


breathless

by dreamgorl



Category: South Park
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-19
Updated: 2017-07-17
Packaged: 2018-08-20 13:18:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 7
Words: 4,786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8250461
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreamgorl/pseuds/dreamgorl
Summary: a collection of moments





	1. just fine

_to set the scene;_

craig tucker, aged approximately 17 years old. he sits beside his friend of many, _many_ years, tweek tweak -- 16 years old. they are resting on top of the playground tower. the evening is dark and ominous, and the sound of rusty swingsets creaking is heard in the distance. there is cans upon cans of various energy drinks scattered around the ground, and they look upon them from their vantage point.

"i feel like a ghost." tweek said, interrupting their silence. craig doesn't look over, but he shifts around a little bit, discreetly moves just a little bit closer to tweek. "how so," he asks, but it sounds less like a question and more like a 'we're feeling the same, then'.  
"y-you know, it's like, i'm constantly floating around everyone," tweek was speaking, his voice was shaking a little but it was normal. the chill felt like it was settling into their bones, but that was normal too. "and nobody really notices me, right? it's like -- i'm just t-there, like just a thing that's always been there and will always be there." craig didn't say anything, but he moved his hand on top of tweek's carefully, and that was enough.

the wind began to howl, and the clouds loomed overhead. they split a little so the moon's light could be free, for a moment.

"have you ever named a star?" tweek said, and he looked over at craig. he always thought that craig had a nice profile. he had a hawk-ish nose that looked like it had been broken a few times, but that just gave him a little more charm than he already had. craig's fingers shifted a little over tweek's knuckles and tweek shivered.

"no, i haven't."

"what would you name one?" tweek asked again, and the moon's light was gone, so he looked back down to the ground that was littered with cans and cigarettes.

"i'm not sure. what would you name yours?" craig asked, and this time it sounded like a question. tweek bit the inside of his cheek.

"i'd name it..." he paused for a moment, "i wouldn't name it anything."

"why?"

"it doesn't really need one."

"why not?"

craig's thumb ran against tweek's hand.

"well, why _would_ it need one?"

there was silence for a moment.

"good point."

there was silence for many moments.

"i'd like to kiss you right now, actually." craig said, and then before tweek could say anything, he added -- " _also_ , i'd name one tweek probably."

"i'm very honored, craig." tweek said dramatically, and he looked over at craig who was already looking at him. "i'd _probably_ kiss you back."

"probably?"

"probably."

"how probable?"

"pretty probable."

and so craig leaned in, and tweek did kiss him back. and they stayed like that for a while.  
they were just fine, existing together.

 


	2. and i might fall

_to set the scene;_

_tweek tweak's room was full of old coffee cups, clothes strewn all over the floor, and various empty packages. cigarette packs, cans of energy drinks, cardboard boxes that once held things claimed to be 'magic' or to tell him the secrets of extraterrestrial beings. though they never worked, he had a penchant to order them anyway. i_ _t was a cold evening -- the chill was coming through the partially open window, and the air smelled crisp. tweek pulled his arms tighter around himself, and huddled more into the corner of his bed._

"why don't you shut the window if you're cold," craig asked from across the room, looking over some stones that he had given to tweek previously. "b-because, i read that if you leave the window open it'll allow ghosts to leave your home." tweek said matter-of-factly.

"shouldn't you be worried about those like, black eyed children things you told me about." craig said, and tweek scoffed from across the room. "t-those things can't get in if you don't invite them in. plus, i already l-locked the doors so the clowns can't get in."

craig _hmmed_ in reply. he secretly liked hearing tweek's theories, and he figured that tweek appreciated having someone who would listen. "do open windows keep clowns away? just wondering."

"w-well... _damnit_ i'm not sure. wait we gotta close t-the window dude. _d-dude_."

craig calmly walked over to the window and made a show of shutting it, and locking it.  
"you're fine."

"y-you sure? cause like, now i'm kinda freaked out. what if the other windows in the house are unlocked. what if the windows at the _s-shop_ aren't locked?"

"wait, can you even lock the windows in the coffee shop?"

"that's what i'm fuckin' worried about man. h-holy shit."

craig bit the inside of his cheek and thought about it for a minute. "yeah, i'm pretty sure you're good. how about we go through the house and make sure the windows are locked."

tweek nodded and jumped out of bed, and promptly paused. he scanned his eyes over his room. he balanced himself on the crushed cardboard box he was standing on, and hoped nothing was in it. "craig, we don't h-have a weapon."

"why do we need a weapon,"

"w-well like, what if we're about to fuckin' die. or w-what if a clown is already in the house? _j-jesus christ._ "

"how about i bring the amethyst? for protection,"

"....okay."

_///_

_they'd made their way through most of the rooms in the house, and thus far, each window was locked. now they were in the kitchen, which was pristine -- no dust, nothing out of place. there was two windows. one, they had already checked, was locked. the other however --_  
"o-oh my _god_. c-craig. it was unlocked." tweek said, and promptly locked the window and pressed himself against the counter. "t-there could be an intruder in the house. we don't even know."

"yeah but like, what are the chances of that?" craig said, and pulled himself up to sit on the counter. "i'm pretty sure there's no intruder, tweek."

"j-jesus christ. but we don't know for _sure_. h-holy shit." tweeks eyes were wide, and he too pulled himself on the counter, across from craig, and pulled his knees to his chest.

"w-what if we die, oh my g-god, nobody would know."

"your parents would find us?"

"b-but they're staying at the shop tonight,"

"wait they are?"

"c-craig. we're g-going to die. and nobody's going to find our bodies for _d-days_."

"well, i don't think so. plus we have this pretty cool amethyst for protection."

craig pulled out the amethyst and held it in the air dramatically. "with _this amethyst_ , i bless this home."

tweek stuck his tongue out at craig. "h-how does that even work? i d-don't think you can bless a home with amethyst," craig flipped tweek off and then gently set the amethyst on the counter. "you can do _anything_ with amethyst, dude."

the room was silent. but it was a nice kind of silence, something that felt calming and natural and everything was okay for a little while. the wind outside was loud, but the house was warm. tweek pulled on his sweater sleeves.

"w-what do you want to do?" tweek asked, and craig looked up at the ceiling. "idunno."  
craig jumped off the counter, and sat on the tiles of the kitchen floor. they were cold. "quick, sit on the floor." tweek did so, and then they were sitting on the floor in front of each other.

"gimme your hands."

"w-why?"

"thumb wrestling time."

"o-oh. kay."

so they thumb wrestled for a while, bringing back some memories from their youth, and the silence was resounding except for the occasional 'fuck' or, 'that's not fair'. eventually, craig dropped his hand to the floor, but didn't let go of tweek's.

they were both quiet, and stared at the glossy floor.

"t-thanks for making sure the clowns can't get in."

"well, it was necessary."

"a-and also, thanks for being a dork with your amethyst."

"i'm a little hurt by that, tweek. but you're welcome." craig tightened his grip on tweek's hand, a little.

there was this understanding, in times like this -- they wouldn't talk about it, never, but the comfort that the other gave -- the light touches, the blatant contact, that jolt of skin on skin -- they needed it. it was never the same with anyone else.

_never_ the same with anyone else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk. what do you guys think of this? does anyone else have anxiety with windows being unlocked. am i relatable yet


	3. the nonexistence of something that exists

_and this is how it was; tweek was on his bed, his back pressed against the wall and his hands curled tightly into the fabric of his t-shirt. it wasn't his t-shirt, though at this point it might as well have been, it was craig's. tweek was breathing in and out heavily -- in, out, in, in, in, in --_

he felt like a broken record. he couldn't quite catch himself at the right moment, to figure out when everything started to _skip_ \--

_out_.

he texted craig five minutes ago. or he thought it was five minutes ago, though it could have been more like eight minutes ago. he couldn't really tell. his mind couldn't make it clear enough for him to pull it out of the debris, and did it really matter? he was rambling to himself and even he knew he needed to stop but thinking _stop stop stop_ was easier than the _actual_ act of stopping.

his heart was jumping. leaping. bounds upon bounds, it was _going_ and he wasn't sure he could stop it. nothing could stop it. not even craig could stop it, and he knew this, because once craig came over during this cruel episode of tweek's life and tried to hold him, and it made things worse. it always seemed to make things worse, when somebody touched him.

so he'd resign to this --

there would be craig, sitting on the other side of the bed, staring at tweek and humming some silly song or telling a stupid joke. or maybe just being silent, but he'd exist there. and there would be tweek, sitting on the other other side of the bed, trying desperately to pull himself together and mostly failing.  
craig never apologized to tweek, never said ' _i'm sorry that this happens to you, i wish i knew how to help_ '. and tweek liked that. tweek fucking _loved_ that. because after it all, everything would be normal. they'd never talk about it.

it didn't happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> very tiny.


	4. feelin'

_the setting; a gloomy november evening -- the kind where you can sense the air changing, the warmth and the woodsy smell everything seems to gather. chilly. cozy wool socks, hot mugs pleasantly burning the palms of your hand. it was still -- the rustling of the sheets in craig tucker's room was the only thing you could hear._

_a fluffy blue blanket, bunched up. pillows stacked upon pillows. everything was cold to the touch, especially skin. "_ w-wanna feel something weird?" tweek asked, and craig raised an eyebrow. "like..wha--" but then suddenly, tweek's frigid hand was pressed right on the side of craig's exposed neck, and craig gasped."oh.. _yeah_ , you're right. that's.. _weird_." the last word was exhaled, more of a tiny whisper. tweek quickly removed his hand. craig shifted around in his dark sweater but turned to the boy sitting next to him on his bed.

"i didn't actually mind that," he said, quietly. tweek licked his lips, a thing he did sometimes when he was nervous, and craig knew that. craig quietly tapped his fingers on the bed, where tweek couldn't see that he was nervous too.

"it was k-kinda weird though, wasn't it. like.. _i don't know._ w-what are we even doing?" tweek replied, and looked around craig's empty room. the ceiling light was off, and the only glow was filtered through craig's window. curtains pulled to the side. his room was simple. posters hung up on the wall, perfectly level, and certain very craig-like objects were placed neatly around. the floor had a tastefully gray carpet.

"'idunno. chilling i guess. like we always do?" craig said, but it sounded like a question, and his fingers tapping on the bed sped up a little. "i mean, we can do something else.." he started, but then tweek's cold hand was pressed on his neck again, and he inhaled sharply. 

"your n-neck is really warm." tweek observed, and craig didn't say anything, because he was scared to move -- scared that maybe tweek would move his hand away, and for some reason he really really didn't want to lose that skin contact. he wasn't sure why. he never really thought about it that much -- doing anything with anyone. he'd made out with some girl in the ninth grade, and that was the extent of it. he didn't remember who she was anymore. but for some reason, this innocent situation he found himself in startled him a little bit -- because it felt like it could become something more, if he did the right things -- but he didn't know what they were.

he didn't know where to start, really.

"your hand is really cold." he said back, and tweek almost started to move away, but then stopped. "yeah, i c-can't really feel my fingers." craig bit his lip. "i could help with that, if you want,"

there was silence for a moment, and many moments following, until tweek broke it; "h-how?"

craig inhaled a little bit, held that breath, moved his hand to his neck where tweek's was resting. "like.. _this_ ," he said, pulling tweeks fingers off individually, where they seemed to have some kind of death grip -- moved tweeks hand down to the mattress, where he rested his hand on top of it. and then decidedly at the last moment wrapped his fingers around tweeks, and rubbed his thumb against his knuckles. there was silence, and craig wasn't sure if he was breathing anymore -- if that was even something he had to do, anymore. he couldn't tell. he just felt tweek's hand under his and then compared it to the feeling of that girl's neck when he was kissing her, what she must have felt, and what he didn't feel. but what he felt now in this incredibly odd situation he'd found himself in.

there was silence.

for many moments.

and he felt the bed shifting a little bit, and heard breathing getting closer and closer to him. suddenly, it was right there, right on his neck, the warm breath of another human being. he gasped again, quietly. he wasn't sure if tweek heard it. wasn't sure if it even happened. "c-can i? is it okay if --" tweek started, and craig felt it on his skin, and he felt everything at once. "yes.. _yeah_ ," he whispered back, and then tweek was kissing his neck, carefully, right above the collar of his sweater. he bit his lip. and started to shake a little bit, and felt something that was comparable to when you're about to start crying. he felt like he might start crying. which made him feel stupid. everyone looked at him like he felt nothing, and here he was -- feeling _everything_ , so much, so hard that he wasn't sure after this if he'd be able to feel anything ever again. it scared him.

he didn't know where this came from; when tweek had the courage to do anything like this. it came out of nowhere. but yet...he was still okay with it, felt like something that was bound to happen eventually, and it just happened to occur today. happenstance.

tweeks breath was heavy against him, his lips moving and his teeth gently grazing at the skin a little more daringly than he was doing a moment ago. he didn't know if tweek did this all the time -- if he was just now trying it out, if he'd been _waiting_ to do this, he couldn't tell -- he felt a whimper escape from his throat, cut off a little bit, and he felt so tiny. tweek could honestly kill him right now and he was _sure_ that he would let him.

he felt stupid wishing that tweek fantasized about this, and then felt his stomach turning at the thought of tweek thinking about this; about him, at all, at any time, _ever_. tweek had moved his mouth to a different spot -- he'd pulled the collar of craig's sweater a little bit and was right above his collarbone. craig shivered. the lump in his throat was so obvious. he was so hyper aware of his body in this moment and everything was screaming at him for letting himself get into this situation, to be so vulnerable to _anyone_. why would he let that happen? he heard tweek make a noise, and then that made everything so much _worse_. or better. his entire body tensed. he was breathing heavily now, and he didn't know what to do.

he quickly turned himself towards tweek, cutting off their contact. tweek's face was red -- _sunburn red in the summer when they'd go swimming together and tweek forgot his sunscreen, frostbite red when tweek forgot to wear clothes appropriate for the weather, turned on red when he was giving craig a thousand hickeys_ \--

and then craig lunged forward at tweek, effectively pinning him against the bed frame with a loud thump, their bodies pressing against each other; kissed him with as much feeling as he could, so tweek would know. he didn't know _what_ he wanted tweek to know. but he hoped that he would feel it, at least. bubbling out of tweek was a thousand different noises and each one of them were amazing. craig just wanted to feel this, hear this, do this, for the rest of his life. he didn't know how that could possibly be practical, but he wanted it so bad that it made his bones ache. tweek was twisting underneath him but in a way so that their bodies fit closer together, and craig felt both like he was dying but also like he was living the most that he'd ever lived. maybe this _was_ how it was always supposed to happen. in such a stupid way.

tweek bit craig's lip and he never felt this much... _anything_ , in his entire life. the way they were moving felt like they were wrestling, trying to get the upper hand, but then both failing and just accepting the fact that this was just really hot. and then that thought made him think about how warm he was in this moment, how he wanted to take his sweater off because he kinda felt like his skin was melting off, but then he shivered because tweeks tongued grazed against his lip and so he instead held tweek's wrist hard against the bed frame and wondered if it'd leave a bruise. if anybody would notice. if anyone would think that they'd been with a girl, they'd joke, and tease them about it, but never really know the truth. tweek moved in a way that craig's thigh was right between tweek's legs and he leaned back and gasped loudly. " _h-holy fuckin' shit,_ "

craig agreed.

holy fuckin' shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is kinda similar to that one fic of mine where it didn't really follow a specific order it was just kinda..moments. and also this is not really following canon. my life is in shambles rn


	5. but it'll never happen

_craig was outside, leaning against the side of some house. there was loud music blasting from the inside, and his head was pounding. felt like it was matched up with the beat. he leaned his head back and shut his eyes as tightly as he could without feeling like he was going to damage them somehow. he felt the house moving against him. seemed alive._

he felt around in his pocket, and felt just his lighter. he wasn't that discouraged. he felt around a little more and found a very sad looking cigarette that'd probably been there for a while. he wanted to light it, and he wanted to leave, and he wanted a lot of things in this moment though half of them he couldn't really pull out from the debris in his mind. he lit the cigarette. that familiar smell. ember.

the lights in the distance, where he wasn't, were bright and constant. he was bathed in the shadows.

he heard couples laughing, stumbling around, kissing drunkenly like they were gonna die if they didn't right at this _exact_ moment. and he felt a little sick, couldn't tell if it was because it was pathetic or if he was jealous. or maybe it was both. or maybe he felt pathetic because he was jealous. what ever it was, it made him press his feet a little harder into the ground beneath him.

grounding himself.

but it didn't really help, because he still heard it all -- all around him, the signs of living, of having fun, of people actually _liking_ what was happening around them. he wished, so much, so often, that he would feel it -- that one day he'd walk into a room and everything would seem colorful. happy. good.

just good. that's what he wanted, and he'd settle for _okay_ even. but yet; nothing.

it was strange, he thought, that he couldn't remember a time where he felt that.  
so he stood there, felt frozen in time, felt like he wanted so much but nothing was going to happen. he heard laughter, genuine, and he wished a little harder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this is a short one...


	6. head over heels

_to set the scene; craig tucker, sitting on top of a lone car, abandoned. it was currently situated in the middle of a field, and the light from the moon lit everything up in a gentle glow. tweek tweak was beside his friend, sitting with his legs pulled to his chest. the air smelled like winter. the cold seeped into everything._

tweek remembered looking at craig, and feeling his chest ache. it hurt, looking at him, and tweek never really knew why. he didn't know if it was supposed to, but it did. and he always wondered why that was.  
and then there was this one day, where he looked at craig, and he felt something change. he felt like he'd actually really looked at him for the first time.

craig was looking up into the sky, willing some of the only clouds to get out of the way, and tweek was messing with his shoelaces. "is there a reason that you came with me?" craig asked, and the quiet was gone. the insects around them were chirping, alive, and there was rustling in the forest. tweek felt like the whole world had just taken a big breath.

"n-nah, i mean, i always do, d-dont i?" tweek replied, biting the insides of his cheeks. he did always come with craig. and he liked it, liked the quiet, liked being with him. and he liked that craig always let him. "yeah," craig replied, and then the quiet was back. the world had exhaled.

it felt anticlimactic, and tweek felt like that was his entire life so far. he felt, as a human being, very anticlimactic. he thought about his future sometimes and figured he'd probably fuck up somewhere along the way and then work as a cashier for the rest of his life or something. he wasn't really sure. he didn't think he'd mind it though.  
there was a lot of things in his life that didn't make sense. he didn't think too much about it, because then he would get lost in his thoughts, and that's when things were the worst. those are the days when he can't get himself out of bed. when he can't cry. all he can do is stare at the ceiling and try to accept his life.

it felt like too much at fourteen.

"hey, d-do you ever w-wonder what the deal with t-this car is?" tweek asked, and he didn't feel the world inhale. he just felt the quiet. "not really, i think it just got too fucked up for someone to deal with it or something," craig said. and tweek bit the inside of his cheek again.  
"y-yeah, i guess."

tweek placed his hands flat against the roof of the car. tapped his fingers. the noise was quiet, but he couldn't really concentrate on anything, and it was helping him ground himself.  
and then he felt craig's fingers, just slightly, and he realized how close their hands were on the car. really close. he thought about it for a second, wondered what would happen if he were to try putting his hand over craig's. but he was too scared. too scared he'd get pushed away, and too scared he'd have nobody if that were to happen.  
he felt his chest ache, and he sniffed quietly and turned away. he wouldn't do anything like that. couldn't.

but --

he felt fingers over his, gentle, precarious. they were slightly hovering, and tweek couldn't make himself look over. didn't want to look at craig. didn't want to look at his hands. it was probably an accident, he thought, and the fingers on his would be quickly pulled away when they realized where they were.  
but they didn't.

very abruptly, the hand was over tweek's, resting on top of it. the world seemed to inhale deeply, and held it, and he could feel the pressure of it. he felt a finger gently move over his skin and he swallowed. he felt the ache so much now. he thought if it became any more suffocating, his heart would stop beating.

he licked his lips and looked over to craig, who was looking at their hands. so tweek did too. and he thought, this could still be an accident. probably. that's probably why craig was looking, because he just noticed. how funny. well, guess that was it. but then craig looked up at tweek very slowly, and tweek swallowed. they looked at each other, saying nothing, and tweek felt a thumb move gently against the side of his hand.

the world exhaled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm going to an event today but instead of getting ready i decided to post this bc the first time holding hands w/ someone is an experience so [gently hands this to you]


	7. foresight

_[set the scene - it was a hot, humid summer night. the lights were out, and mostly everyone in south park (except for the rowdy teenagers, of course) were asleep. the town itself seemed to be asleep, too. the streetlights outside illuminated the dark room, where craig and tweek sat criss-cross from each other on tossled bedsheets and bundled blankets.]_

"have you heard that new lorde song, the louvre?" tweek said, and craig looked very, very confused. "a lorde?" he asked, and tweek rolled his eyes. "lorde. you know, like the musician? i think we saw her live once, dude." tweek said, and craig grinned. craig's grin made tweeks' heart skip a beat. "yeah, i know. i just wanted to see if you'd roll your eyes at me." craig said, and tweek jokingly pushed craig's shoulder. "stoooop."

 "why though?" craig asked, and after a moment of tweek zoning out and staring at the freckle on craig's neck, he shook himself out of it enough to say - "oh, well there's a lyric that's like, blow all my friendships to sit in hell with you, and it reminded me of..well, like, i don't know. it sounds stupid now!" tweek rambled on, and halfway through his sentence craig lightly grasped his hand. "i like that lyric. i mean that sounds absolutely unhealthy but.." he dramatically glanced around them, "we could be having a sleepover with everybody else right now...so." he grinned, and tweek let out a sigh of relief.

the light hitting craig was blue, reflecting off the deep bedroom walls. it made him look like he was in a movie scene. "what?" he asked when tweek looked at him with a quizzical face.

"we're going to be really busy these next few years." tweek said, and it sounded like a very final thing to say. something about it made craig feel like he i was reeling through 11 different dimensions at once, and that was a strange thing to say, but the only thing that could describe the feeling. "and we might not be able to see each other as much." 

"that scares me." craig said after a moment of silence, and tweek bit his lip. "me too."

there was something about it that was just -- the acceptance, that you couldn't quite live your life around another human being wholly with it remaining healthy, and it felt like one of the worst realizations that could be made. if it was possible, craig would like to grasp tweek's hands and entwine both of them as one human being that could be together at all times forever, sharing experiences and never needing to be scared of the future, or being in the future without the other. but then -- you had to have yourself, really, that was all you'd ever have, and it was a very sad thing to know.

"can we do it?" tweek asked, imagining them surviving the unknown parts of their lives that laid ahead.

craig's hand tightened around his own, and they both knew the answer was yes.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi missed u love u life has been wild kids!

**Author's Note:**

> ANYWAY do you ever get struck with inspiration to write but you can't write what you want to write so you literally just write the exact opposite bc, here's the result of that happening to me. love u. there will be more but it will be less like a story and more like... 'a collection of moments' is really only the way to put it. yeah.


End file.
